Rest- and lack there of

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
~Matthew 11:28

I guess it started a few weeks ago. Right before school started to be exact. I had to start preparing for the Wesley council meeting, and trying to make a schedule for this semester. It was ok, or so i thought... School started, so did the homework. I decided i wanted to make a 4.0 this semester because i know God has given me the talent to do so, I was just lazy and didn't feel like equally matching effort with the ability God had provided. To make a 4.0, it's a great idea to do the assigned reading as well as the homework. I got a great start and continued to persevere. I was busy pretty much every day of the week. Church two of the nights, Bible study one night (and helping to lead in that), teaching another one Friday afternoons, hanging out with my friend one to two times a week, and making it a point to spend at least one night at home with my family as well as trying to clean the house since no one else will pick up after them self. Things were going ok. I did get tired during the week, but when you're able to sleep until 12:00 on Saturday, what difference does it make as to how you feel during the week?

The stress of last week began to take its toll. The carpet of dirty clothes that my brothers constantly leave on the floor piled higher. The dishes in the kitchen sink piled up and the ones from the cabinets and drawers disappeared. The dishwasher stayed full of clean dishes until halfway through them all being used up straight from the dishwasher, my sister finally decided to put them away. The papers my mom leaves lying around everywhere ran amok across the computer desk. The late night of doing a pampered chef party and then all the paper work from doing so began to add up- especially since i'm still taking orders. The 3 hour mission committee meeting tired me out and left no opportunity for me to rest on Sunday. The obligation of spending a certain amount of time at school in class and waiting for class to start helped add to the pile of stuff i was obligated to do. The constant nagging of my mother of how i constantly messed up by not being able to keep the cabinets full or the paper work done for pampered chef (which i'd never been shown how to do) took its tole. The constant griping of my sister for whatever reason made things even worse. I felt completely hated by her and didn't even know what i did. The worrying about money thing also helped add to my distress- i haven't been able to work and won't be getting paid for a month or so. Minus 47 cents, all the money in my bank account is owed to the school by Wednesday. Somehow, from my lack of funds, i am also supposed to buy a $40.00 book for my Genesis class and save up for a $2500 Japan trip this summer. The homework list got longer. Well, that stuff was not working together for good...

If that isn't painting a clear enough picture in your mind, i don't know what will. It finally took its tole as it made me break down and cry today after being yelled at by 3 members of my family in less than an hour for nothing that i realized i caused. All i could do was take my books, walk out the door, and navigate my way through the full driveway as i left for yet another meeting. I seriously needed a break. After the meeting, i knew i just needed to stay away from my house for a while. I didn't need to see all the things that needed to be accomplished here because i knew, in the long run, i'd be the one that ended up doing them. I was hungry and with very little leisure money to spend on entertainment. I went to Subway with plans of eating for $1.40 by getting soup. They had my least favorite- chicken noodle. I knew that wouldn't do and ordered the next cheapest item- a kids meal. I go there so often that i've made friends with most of the employees- not so i can get free stuff, just because i know everyone needs a friend. Cameron new the plan i, a poor college student, had. He looked at me and said, i don't think we're going to have any more kids tonight, i'll give you a six inch. Well, i got a roast beef sandwich. He rang me up with a "daily special." It was my special day, i really needed the encouragement. I sat down with my Bible and randomly opened it up. i was hoping it would open to Psalms, and it did. I began in chapter 15 and read a few chapters. It was what i needed to hear. It was the only thing that could make everything else better. As i began to read without any agenda, things were put into perspective. God gave me peace and i began to feel the rest that only God can provide. After reading his word, things just seemed so much better! From Subway, i went to the coffee place in downtown. I sat my books down and looked at the menu of all the delicious looking coffee products. I kept thinking, order real coffee, it's the cheapest. For some reason though, i wasn't in the mood for real coffee. I needed chocolate. I ordered a mocha frappe instead. I pulled out the last bit of cash that i had and he gave me my total. I thought nothing of it and stood waiting to receive my change. I got an even two dollars and didn't think anything about it. I sat down, looked at my receipt and knew something wasn't right. The total on the receipt was $3.80. I questioned him about it and he said some nice person in front of me said "keep the change" and he decided to pass it on to me. Another one of those things that can help turn a bad day into a good night. i appreciated it. As i sought God and read his word, i began to feel the rest that he alone can provide. Tonight, i'm not doing any homework- i've already done tomorrow's. I'm going to pretend that there isn't a Wednesday coming up. I'm taking a one night break. I'll think about the tomorrows that i have coming up as i need to think of them and not before hand. There's enough going on as is, and i know that God will take care of it all- not me. Guess this is yet another one of those times when i learn, not because i want to but out of necessity, that God is in control- not me. What a great opportunity to live by faith...