Rest- and lack there of

"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
~Matthew 11:28

I guess it started a few weeks ago. Right before school started to be exact. I had to start preparing for the Wesley council meeting, and trying to make a schedule for this semester. It was ok, or so i thought... School started, so did the homework. I decided i wanted to make a 4.0 this semester because i know God has given me the talent to do so, I was just lazy and didn't feel like equally matching effort with the ability God had provided. To make a 4.0, it's a great idea to do the assigned reading as well as the homework. I got a great start and continued to persevere. I was busy pretty much every day of the week. Church two of the nights, Bible study one night (and helping to lead in that), teaching another one Friday afternoons, hanging out with my friend one to two times a week, and making it a point to spend at least one night at home with my family as well as trying to clean the house since no one else will pick up after them self. Things were going ok. I did get tired during the week, but when you're able to sleep until 12:00 on Saturday, what difference does it make as to how you feel during the week?

The stress of last week began to take its toll. The carpet of dirty clothes that my brothers constantly leave on the floor piled higher. The dishes in the kitchen sink piled up and the ones from the cabinets and drawers disappeared. The dishwasher stayed full of clean dishes until halfway through them all being used up straight from the dishwasher, my sister finally decided to put them away. The papers my mom leaves lying around everywhere ran amok across the computer desk. The late night of doing a pampered chef party and then all the paper work from doing so began to add up- especially since i'm still taking orders. The 3 hour mission committee meeting tired me out and left no opportunity for me to rest on Sunday. The obligation of spending a certain amount of time at school in class and waiting for class to start helped add to the pile of stuff i was obligated to do. The constant nagging of my mother of how i constantly messed up by not being able to keep the cabinets full or the paper work done for pampered chef (which i'd never been shown how to do) took its tole. The constant griping of my sister for whatever reason made things even worse. I felt completely hated by her and didn't even know what i did. The worrying about money thing also helped add to my distress- i haven't been able to work and won't be getting paid for a month or so. Minus 47 cents, all the money in my bank account is owed to the school by Wednesday. Somehow, from my lack of funds, i am also supposed to buy a $40.00 book for my Genesis class and save up for a $2500 Japan trip this summer. The homework list got longer. Well, that stuff was not working together for good...

If that isn't painting a clear enough picture in your mind, i don't know what will. It finally took its tole as it made me break down and cry today after being yelled at by 3 members of my family in less than an hour for nothing that i realized i caused. All i could do was take my books, walk out the door, and navigate my way through the full driveway as i left for yet another meeting. I seriously needed a break. After the meeting, i knew i just needed to stay away from my house for a while. I didn't need to see all the things that needed to be accomplished here because i knew, in the long run, i'd be the one that ended up doing them. I was hungry and with very little leisure money to spend on entertainment. I went to Subway with plans of eating for $1.40 by getting soup. They had my least favorite- chicken noodle. I knew that wouldn't do and ordered the next cheapest item- a kids meal. I go there so often that i've made friends with most of the employees- not so i can get free stuff, just because i know everyone needs a friend. Cameron new the plan i, a poor college student, had. He looked at me and said, i don't think we're going to have any more kids tonight, i'll give you a six inch. Well, i got a roast beef sandwich. He rang me up with a "daily special." It was my special day, i really needed the encouragement. I sat down with my Bible and randomly opened it up. i was hoping it would open to Psalms, and it did. I began in chapter 15 and read a few chapters. It was what i needed to hear. It was the only thing that could make everything else better. As i began to read without any agenda, things were put into perspective. God gave me peace and i began to feel the rest that only God can provide. After reading his word, things just seemed so much better! From Subway, i went to the coffee place in downtown. I sat my books down and looked at the menu of all the delicious looking coffee products. I kept thinking, order real coffee, it's the cheapest. For some reason though, i wasn't in the mood for real coffee. I needed chocolate. I ordered a mocha frappe instead. I pulled out the last bit of cash that i had and he gave me my total. I thought nothing of it and stood waiting to receive my change. I got an even two dollars and didn't think anything about it. I sat down, looked at my receipt and knew something wasn't right. The total on the receipt was $3.80. I questioned him about it and he said some nice person in front of me said "keep the change" and he decided to pass it on to me. Another one of those things that can help turn a bad day into a good night. i appreciated it. As i sought God and read his word, i began to feel the rest that he alone can provide. Tonight, i'm not doing any homework- i've already done tomorrow's. I'm going to pretend that there isn't a Wednesday coming up. I'm taking a one night break. I'll think about the tomorrows that i have coming up as i need to think of them and not before hand. There's enough going on as is, and i know that God will take care of it all- not me. Guess this is yet another one of those times when i learn, not because i want to but out of necessity, that God is in control- not me. What a great opportunity to live by faith...

It's Sunday again. Where do you think i spent it? Well, at church of course, not because i have nothing else to do, but because that's where i belong. Sunday is a day of rest. That doesn't mean to spend it literally sleeping away all 24 hours of the day, but to provide a time of rest from your labors and allow you to simply focus on God. I have been reading my Bible and praying each day, but that doesn't mean that i have been able to focus my heart and mind on God in the manner that it needs to be. Things were more hectic than usual. It was nice just to spend a day in God's house...

When i say, i spent the day there, i literally meant it. We had a celebration as soon as the morning service was over to thank God for the ministry he had allowed Keith and Debbie to do over the past 20 years. From what i hear, that's a very long time for someone as talented as Keith is to be leading worship at the same church... The whole thing ended about 2:15. The missions committee meeting was set to begin at 3:00. I would have had time to run home, park, walk into the house, walk back out and head back to the church. That didn't sound like a very brilliant plan to me, so i stayed around and waited for 45 minutes. Three o'clock finally neared and we began. It wouldn't be right for me to post what we talked about during the meeting, so i shall refrain from doing so. After an hour, my head started to droop. After an hour and a half, i thought, ok. i can take it, just 30 more minutes, tops. At 5:00, i made the motion that we finish up and all go home to take Sunday afternoon siestas. While discussing the next meeting time at 5:30 i suggested that we didn't need to meet for a couple months since we had used plenty of time during this meeting. At 6:00, i rejoiced that the three hour meeting was finally over. I slowly walked out and began my trek across the parking lots. I was pretty stiff after staying in the same place so long. As i arrived home, i began to think what three hours actually was. I love foreign missions and want to be a missionary when i grow up, but if i'm not even willing to sit through a three hour meeting without complaining, what does that say about my future in missions? What does that say about the level of importance missions hold in my life? It's not hard for me to spend 3 hours online checking facebook, returning e-mails, instant messaging, and writing a blog. If God has called me to do missions, it should come before any of this stuff. I'll say now, in the future, it will. I have it in writing =)

I'm not who i used to be...

I went and ate lunch at Subway yesterday. It's definitely not the first time that i've done so. i guess i could talk about the potatoes in the soup that i ate not being cooked, but what importance is that in the long run? I had a stack of books with me. One, my Bible, i would have carried with me anywhere, but as for the rest, well, it's that disease that tends to follow me home from college each day- homework. I figured i could make the nice long lunch break a bit profitable by getting the reading out of the way before the weekend. I also thought i'd be able to enjoy a bit of the fun material that i had with me. It didn't turn out that way. I met someone that went to church with me a long time ago. He remembered me and was able to fill in the blank of my last name, but i didn't remember him. I know that was mentioned in my last blog. I closed it by saying, "I'm not who i used to be." Today, a lot of thought entered my mind regarding that statement.

I thought back to once upon a time when i wasn't a Christian. I remembered the person that i once was- shy, quiet, annoying when i did decide to speak... i positively enjoyed arguing with my Mom, Dad, sister and brothers. I never went out to party or do drugs. In fact, even though i went to public school, i really didn't have any friends so that option wasn't open even if i'd wanted to. Looking back, i realize what could have happened had God not used those circumstances to protect me.

Winter of my eighth grade year, i ended up going to a disciple now. Some guy named Runks was the speaker. That's where i ended up praying the prayer. Afterwards though, i really didn't start living the Christian life. In fact, i didn't even know how to. My family seemed to be pretty nominal Christians. I'd never seen them open and read a Bible. I didn't know that the Bible was what God used to speak to you. I knew i'd been to church almost every Wednesday before that point, but i really didn't know what the God thing was all about. I just knew that in GA's we did a bunch of studying about missionaries and the do's and don'ts of being a Christian. As far as Sundays went, we were CEO's (Christmas and Easter only)

The summer between my 8th and 9th grade year, God turned my life upside down. Mom and Christopher (my little brother) were flying to Alaska for a couple weeks. Plans had been made for me to go with them (i would have been the only one out of my family to go up there twice). As i mentioned, before, i enjoyed back talking my parents and pushing them as close to the edge as i could. That didn't change after i prayed the prayer. Once again, i didn't really know that it had to. Well, i didn't realize where that last button to push was located on my mother. Apparently, i accidentally tapped it. After enduring as much of me as she could, she finally said no to me going to Alaska. Even though i deserved it, i was completely disappointed. God had other plans in mind. He worked that out for his good and his purpose. That summer, the church took their first mission trip to Mexico. I'd heard about it Wednesday nights spent with the youth. I asked my parents and they said i could go. The way the meetings fell, i had my first exposure to Sunday church. That July, i left for Mexico absolutely friendless and feeling alone. While there, i met someone that would become a good friend of mine, if anything, he did set a Christian example and listened to me talk. For the first time in my life, close and personal, i was with a group of passionate Christians and was able to observe how they lived.

My freshman year came. Not a whole lot to mention about it. Struggles from being friendless. Still trying to figure out the Christian thing. Knowing that something had to change, but not knowing what or how. Summer rolled around, and i was able to go to Mexico again. There was something about being on the mission field that was able to teach me things that i couldn't have learned at home with my family. Once again, i was surrounded by a group of Christians and learning everything i could from them. Tenth grade finally came and i couldn't learn enough about God. I made it a regularity of going to church at least two times a week- not only on Wednesdays as i had previously done. I discovered the congregation of my church instead of just seeing the youth group. God really began to work in me. During that time, I fell in love with his word. I put down every book but the Bible and decided i wanted to read it cover to cover. November came and the church decided to take a construction trip to Mexico. Even though everyone was older than me, i was allowed to go. I know God definitely played a part in that. The closest person to my age on that trip was Chad- my youth minister. That's about a 15 year gap. I'll elaborate on that statement and say that Chad was a youngster compared to the rest of the group that went. I missed a week of school but learned more away from it than i ever would there. I continued to grow in the ways of the Lord at that point. I stayed in God's word... Another trip was planned- a spring break construction trip. Towards the end of the trip, we were invited to their church's baptism. In a hot spring of sulphur water located in the mountains, i watched a few of the members of the Mexico congregation be baptized. After they were baptized, Chad talked to the seven or eight of us on the trip that hadn't yet been baptized and told us that if we wanted to be baptized there, we could. Well, i finally decided to be obedient to what i knew i needed to do. I'd read enough of the Bible at that point to know that i needed to be baptized. I won't mention the way my sweater smelled after being worn into the sulphur water and thrown, while still wet, into a wal-mart bag that night in preparation to leave the next day...

The summer before my eleventh grade year, i did the usual and had plans of going to Mexico. That summer, my youth group went to Schlitterbahn and i managed to get a double ear infection. That was diagnosed by the doctor days before the Mexico trip approached. I had my clothes washed and laid on my bed beside my suitcase ready to be packed while we were there at the doctor trying to figure out how to make the agony stop. While we were waiting, my mom got a call on her cell phone. It was my brother calling to tell her that the house was on fire. We got the drops and headed home from Longview. We could see a cloud all the way from the interstate. A sickening feeling came and stayed in my stomach. I was reminded that things of this earth fade away. Sick and homeless, i still continued to press on in my quest to go to Mexico. A couple of girls took me shopping and helped me pick out some clothes to take with me. i left for a place so familiar. I found it to be a home when i no longer had one. I came home to live in a trailer house with 5 other people. The bed was so small that my sister and i couldn't share it. I had to sleep on the couch in the living room. Someone would always like to stay in there late watching TV, and then someone else would always wake up in the morning and turn it on. I couldn't sleep with it being on all the time. I was continuously tired and my immune system was so weak that i got mono. That was far from being fun. Even worse than that, the love of my life had been taken away. My parents didn't have enough money to buy me a Bible. I asked a couple of people and they said they'd get me one but never did. I was without direction making a hard time even more difficult. After way too long, i finally got a new Bible. I constantly read from it and God made his presence known. That January, our new house was finally completed. The first day it was finished, i came from the trailer and slept on the carpet all by myself. On top of having that new house smell, it provided a great environment to come and read my Bible. I read from Genesis and rejoiced in what God had provided. That night, i also lied down and had the best night sleep i had ever had.

The next summer, Mexico came and went again. I struggled through my senior year and continued to learn while in the youth group. I worked as the youth secretary at my church for a while. I went to football games at school. I enjoyed serving God through different ministries. I graduated. Mexico came again. I went with the team and stayed three weeks after they left allowing for about a month south of the border. It was my first real taste of foreign missions. It was definitely difficult, but God worked during that time...

Started college at KC. Persevered through my classes and held down a couple jobs. Participated in the first of its kind SPAM-IT program at church. Mexico came. The only difference, i flew down and visited for a week before returning to prepare to go to Tanzania, Africa. We were gone for 2 whole months. I saw poisonous snakes that could kill me with one nibble, i saw diverse animals roaming free on the African plains, and most importantly, i came into contact with a different type of people than i was familiar with. I saw Christians that had no hope but God. They made the people that i see in Mexico look like millionaires. I saw them press on through times of trial and knew that the only reason they were able to do so was because they were living by faith. They weren't able to rely on their possessions. For the most part, they had none. I'll take complete blame here, but i had a difficult time making friends with the team members. i hadn't had any previous experience in having friends and the shy me didn't know where to begin. I also got to see two marriages in the beginning of being destroyed. Long story short, it was a very difficult summer. Things didn't get any easier as i returned home dealing with a depression that didn't lift for months. It was an incredibly dark and difficult time in my life. I no longer knew who i was. The person i had been before i left for Africa disappeared. As summer neared, things slowly began to turn around.

I made plans of flying to Mexico before the team and helped plan the trip for the ones coming. I helped the people in Mexico prepare for Vacation Bible School by painting signs and using my extraordinary language skills ;-) I was finally able to see God again after being in a place so familiar. One day, it started pouring down rain as i was outside painting a sign. I was wearing a white shirt and went inside in a hurry to change clothes. I put on some dirty clothes and went outside barefoot to enjoy the rain. I played in the rain like i never had before. I danced around and felt the soft grass on my feet as i walked all over the back yard. I sang and smiled and felt pure joy after such a long time of darkness. I knew it was pure joy because of the way that i smiled. I tried to stop smiling. It just curled back and stuck! I couldn't make it go away and i'm not complaining about that. That day, I praised God in a way that I had never been able to. I realized that God is my father. I thought about the implications of that. If he's my father, in a way, that makes me a princess, and one of his children of inheritance. After the rain was over (oh how i wished it would have gone on forever) i saw the rainbow that he had given. It was glorious and i was able to see it as God had intended. It was a promise that he had given not because i or anyone else deserved it in any way. It was only by his grace alone that he sent his son to die on a cross and provide salvation for all who seek him and draw near to him.

I know this post is incredibly long, but i'm not apologizing. If you read it, that's great, if not, oh well. I just needed to reflect on some of the reasons that i'm not who i used to be. As i've done so, images through out the years have poured into my head. In that long stretch of time, i went to more than a thousand dollars worth of youth camps, conferences, and random youth events. I went to church, and participated in ministry. I know in one way or another, God has used all those things to make me the person i am today. I know there have been days of ups and downs, but God is still moving me forward and making me more Christ like through it all. It's strange to think that one week from now, i won't be the person i was when i wrote this. I hope to grow in his word as each day passes by. It's currently going on to 5:00 in the morning. It is long past my bed time, and is the best indicator for letting me know that it's time to stop typing. If you made it this far, i hope you enjoyed seeing how God has used a few of the circumstances of my life to make me the person that i am today.

~§tacy White~

I'm running out of ideas for titles. Any suggestions?

Long day... Started out yesterday. Had to prepare to teach Bible study. I ended up talking about how God plans everything out and works it according to his purposes. Nothing takes him by surprise- even though that near wreck definitely surprised me. I talked about God putting Esther in the position of queen to use as a tool to provide salvation for the Jews. I told the story of Joseph (the one in Genesis) and explained Genesis 45:5- "And now do not be distressed or angry with yourselves because you sold me here, for God sent me before you to preserve life." (ESV) In verse 8 is goes on to say "So it was not you who sent me here, but God..." I suppose the way i think about it is something along the lines of God weaving a tapestry. At first, the picture isn't necessarily clear. He uses certain colors in certain places, and you just look and wonder why. After a while, the picture becomes clearer, until, finally, one small part is finally finished. We look back and say, " ". Well, it leaves me next to speechless when i begin to take all things into consideration. I just know God is incredibly experienced in the idea of making things work together. I am not betting money on this fact, but think that there were something along the lines of 638 prophesies regarding Christ in the Old Testament. Every single one of them came true. Mathematically, the odds are impossible. God was at work and waiting for the perfect time to send his son to die on the cross (instead of being stoned by the Jews- for that to happen, the Romans had to be ruling...) God is at work in all things and the further along my part in that story goes, the more amazed i become as i look back and see what God has done. I don't remember talking about all that stuff today, but it's still true. The verse that i closed with was found in Romans. "And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose." Romans 8:28. I guess the point on that was not only are things working and just getting by, but they're working together for the good of the believer... First Bible study i've taught, i do hope to improve...

In other news, Campus Crusade was so awesome last night. I got to be a small group leader. Everyone drew animal crackers to see what group they were going to be in. I got the buffalo. It was quite funny that i had gotten a picture taken on my phone standing beside one at Grapevine Mills on Sunday. See, just one more example of things working together... We will be discussing the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 6-7) this semester. We had a great time last night discussing laying up treasures in heaven and why our treasure should be there instead of here on earth. We also discussed why not to worry. i think my group decided that worrying was good for nothing. There's a difference between worrying and being prepared though. My take on that is that we should do the best we can to prepare and then put it all into God's hands. I say that now. i wouldn't be surprised if i still thought that ten years from now.

Personal news: did a Pampered Chef party in New Diana tonight. It was my first one, so all things taken into consideration, it didn't go too badly. I'm also excited about having some spending money. My bank account is quickly dwindling. If you are wondering why, try driving a F-150 for a while... Well, that's all the interesting stuff i can think of. Maybe not, met a really neat person at Subway today. Come to find out, once upon a time, we used to go to church together. He remembered my name, but i couldn't remember him. In my defense, i'm not who i used to be.

Why me?

I put that title completely jokingly, but why me? Of all the people, i get the honour of having the opportunity to teach a Bible study at the Wesley Friday afternoons. I'm totally excited about having the chance to talk about some of the incredible things God has taught me through out my long life ; ) I knew i had many different choices. I'm glad i was able to go out with Hayley tonight. I finally got some direction. I know what God has been teaching me most recently through both reading his word and life. In Esther, Mordecai mentioned something about her being placed there at that time for God to use her for a tool in saving his people. That reminded me of Genesis when God let Joseph go through all those difficulties to raise him up and put him below pharaoh allowing the country of Egypt to prepare for a famine. It reminded me of how God is at work in absolutely everything. He is everywhere. He was definitely with me as Hayley and I were driving to Longview. He chose to protect me. Why, i'm not sure yet. I know that it's not my time to die yet. Ravi Zacharias said something in Walking from East to West that impacted me in a way. It said, "God has an appointment with each of us, and it is crucial that every man and woman know this. He will stop our steps when it is not our time, and He will lead us when it is. This is a reassuring truth to know for every believer, and a necessary trust for anyone who ministers in areas of great risk." In a way, that's what Esther must have realized as the time approached for her to go before the king without being called. I think i remember her saying something along the lines of "If I perish, I perish." Nothing should keep me from doing God's will, not even being afraid of dying. That's what this life is about anyway, isn't it? Getting ready for eternity. My life here on earth won't even be a drop in the bucket compared to eternity. I know, that was quite a tangent. Another thing i hope to be able to focus on is being able to see God. He's not only at work when he allows the breaks to stop you in time as a big truck is rapidly approaching. He's at work in absolutely EVERYTHING! He upholds all things by the word of his power (Hebrews 1:?). Scientists still don't know what keeps an atom from flying apart. The only logical theory i can think of after every hypothesis i have ever formed is, plain and simple, GOD! He's in control. He's like the duct tape that fixes everything and holds it all together when we break things. The difference between him and duct tape is that his fix is a permanent one. Not something that i have to worry about replacing and adding on to as i grow older. He sent his son to die, as a permanent fix to everything. The creator of this universe came and died on a cross and there's nothing i can do to add to his sacrifice. Once again, God's fix was a permanent and perfect one that will never need to be redone. I talked to Hayley about me being able to see God in the moon and stars. In every animal that i saw in Africa, and in every little insect, rodent, or critter that i see wandering around here in east Texas. God made the earth and all that's in it. From the minute piece of experience that i have in talking with them, artists seem to have one thing in common: they claim that they leave a bit of themselves in all their work. I think God did too. Of his power by creating dinosaurs, of his beauty by creating flowers and butterflies and stuff, of his size by creating the heavens and all that we can and cannot see in them, of his mercy and grace by sending his son. God is at work in everything whether i seem to be able to see it or not. How's that for late night rambling? At least it didn't take as long as i suspected it would, and now i have a spring board to begin my studying with. I do hope somebody can get something out of the lesson on Friday...

El viaje...

Ok, whether classified as a trip in your vocabulary or not, i went to Dallas yesterday. I went to celebrate my best friend's birthday. It was an unexpected surprise and i had less than 24 hours notice... Thankfully, i didn't get stuck driving. Not that i would have minded, but i don't think 3 people and then bags from shopping would have made for a very comfortable ride home... We went in Dave's Eclipse. I had a wonderful time- at the beginning. First, left from church to drop my truck off at home. Rode with Dave to Hayley's house. Felt incredibly stupid. How was i to know that it wasn't proper to get out and open the gate? Afterwards i did get a speech on chivalry and the lack thereof these days. I felt so retarded- my brothers treat me like dirt, i figured every other boy would too. Although Adam was made out of dirt, I guess i shouldn't really think of myself on that level- especially if i ever intend to have a boyfriend...

The ride to Dallas went alright. Hayley slept, i talked Dave's ear off, and listened to him talk. Unusual fact- lives an hour away from where my mom was born and raised. Overall, i enjoyed the ride there. A couple hours after leaving Liberty City, we finally arrived at Grapevine Mills. We got out of the car, walked to the door, walked through the door, and although i had to go to the bathroom, i was able to stand there in awe for a little bit. As i tiptoed in, i had a smile come across my face that i had forgotten i owned. It brought back so many memories....

We went from store to store and looked at various kiosks (or whatever it is that they're called). In all of the stores that we meandered through, i couldn't find the perfect wallet. I did, however, find the perfect cross necklace. The stones sparkle like opal does and reminds me of the heart necklace that I have. The only other thing that i bought was a little frog from from Rainforest Café. It reminded me of the one that i bought way back in 4th grade. The shopping experience dragged along for hours. Finally, a bit of excitement- we went to Books a Million. Hayley paid up on the coffee she owed me (by the way, Will sing for coffee...). Dave and i sat for a bit talking and waiting for Hayley to finish looking around. After a while, she came up with a bag full of books. Inside it was a book for Dave and a set of the C.S. Lewis signature classics for me. I am sure that i will enjoy them to the fullest. It's quite exciting to have the box set of them. They are so much more accessible to read now. After a few more stops, we got back into the car to go meet Hayley's sister at the Macaroni Grill. To say the least, we took the scenic route. Dave wasn't given very good directions. He did much better with them than i was capable of. After a while, we finally got there. We coloured on or table cloth. It was so much fun! I'd never done that before. Hayley and i had a great time taking pictures in the bathroom. i'll put some pictures on my facebook and then maybe you can figure out why... After watching everyone but me eat some cute, poor, defenseless baby squid, it was time to go. Well, i guess to be more technical, after cookie cake and complimentary cake.

The drive home wasn't as pleasant. I felt like a thorn in some body's flesh. I felt like every word i said was worse than not speaking at all. Well, not like it began just then. Guess it all started in the mall, but that's all i'm going to say about that. As Hayley slept and Dave listened to the radio and drove, i stared out the window at the stars and moon that were so far away yet seemed so close. I thought of Africa and all of the people that i left behind there. I remembered Kimberly so far away in Senegal and thought perhaps, she had looked at that same moon not too long before i had. I thought of the sparkling blanket of stars that i saw there. Not the one of patches and rags that i was seeing on the way home from Dallas. Strange how we think we're so smart because we can make and use light bulbs. It ruins the beautiful masterpiece of art that God gave us to look at. I hummed and sang in a voice so quiet that i hoped neither of them could hear. Among other things, i sang God of Wonders and Indescribable. Looking at his creation, how could i not think of that? I also sang songs in Swahili that i had learned in Tanzania. I sang songs that i learned in Mexico. Just looking at the moon and those constellations reminds me of the closeness of God, no matter what country he may send you too. He's there and just as visible as those pieces of rocks and burning things that he has placed in the sky. Even more comforting than that, he's so much closer than i will ever be able to get to any of those things. And invisible or not, it's neat to think that since he's everywhere, i was looking through him while looking at the sky. Perhaps that's what makes it so beautiful and gives me that since of wonder that it does.

After a long and silent ride, we finally arrived home. Somehow, the moon managed to follow us... I slept til 12:00 when i was awoken by a pleasant phone call from mom asking if i was still in bed. The day began with a quick look at facebook. It progressed to getting a phone call from Hayley to see if i wanted to go see a movie. Without thinking, my response was yes. After chauffeuring Mom to and back from Longview, Hayley and I left for my second trek to a place so familiar. This trip was different though. It was all the same at first. Got into the truck, turned it on, stuck it in reverse and backed out of the drive way. After a while, we got onto I-20. All seemed normal. After a few miles, the exit i always take to get onto 259 came up. I got in the lane after turning my blinker on. I got onto the ramp, and then that's when it was no longer my usual trip to Longview. A big truck cut across two lanes of traffic and pulled in front of us. Without thinking, my foot hit the brake. I thank God for that. It was so close! The roads were wet and i thought i might not stop in time. I did skid off a bit to the left, but not off the ramp. Expensive or not, i just got new front and rear breaks put on my truck. I honestly thank God for that. Things could have been much worse. As it was, we only had to smell burning rubber for a little while after what i will classify as a near death experience- or at least a near wreck experience that could have had some very serious effects. I guess when you do the math on a pick up and a car, chances are i'll win. When you're dealing with a pick up and a big truck, it's a different story. I was very shook up. Couldn't talk right for quite a while. Gulped down my leftover diet coke. i guess the familiar feel of an excess of caffeine helped a bit in calming me down. All i can say is thank you God! Things could have very easily ended up differently. I know God is always in control and am very thankful for that. I know it wasn't my time to get into a wreck and die and i'm sure there was a reason for that. What that is, i don't know. i know that whatever happens, Christ will be glorified by my life. May i daily seek to do that in whatever path i am supposed to go down.

Long overdue blog entry

School has been going well. I have resolved to do my best this semester. I would like to get a 4.0 just to say that I did... Actually, i'm tired of being lazy. I know that God gave talents and a brain, and I hope to use both of them to the fullest. My truck had been broken since Friday. I finally got it back from the shop yesterday. Had to bum rides everywhere as well as home from school each day. I was stuck on campus most of the time. For lack of things to do, I spent a lot of time on campus. While wasting time, I found the BSM to be a pretty neat place to spend it. I was able to go there and study. When I say study, I actually mean study. I didn't sit there for 3 hours trying to read and get through a whole page. I was able to complete all my homework, listen to my ipod, attend 2 classes (yea, two classes in the BSM...), play chess, play pool, and not feel like I had to be doing anything. I do like the Wesley (if not, i wouldn't have been president of it), but it's hard to do homework there. Anyway, enough said about that. I did so much of the reading that I got far ahead in most classes. While I was reading my historical geology book, Turner walked up and talked to me. I was informed that I wouldn't be doing that all semester. Reading before absolutely necessary, or reading at all. I hope to prove him wrong, not just because he told what would have been truth last semester, but because i know i can do better than has been done in the past. Last semester, my major was pool... Although i have my beautiful yellow school bus back, i still plan on spending time at the BSM. I know my homework won't get done here at home.

Still reading my Bible. Having a wonderful time with that. Learning all kinds of incredible things. Also, at Campus Crusade on Thursday, Stephanie showed me a really neat idea. She got a little book of vocabulary cards, wrote various Bible verses on the cards in colored permanent markers and put stickers on them. It was pretty fun making them, and i don't think i'll get bored with looking at them very easily.

My presidency is going... It's kind of stressful knowing that i'm in charge of so much. Perhaps that's why i don't really want to spend a lot of time at the Wesley. It's no longer for fun that i go (not that i don't have a good time when i'm there). There are things that I'm required to do. I have to come up with ideas and see them through. One thing i'm excited about is the opportunity to teach a Bible study Friday afternoons. I'm sure i'll learn more teaching than i will attending any of them. More than anything, the thing that i want to see happen this semester is people coming to Christ and Christians developing their relationship with him instead of being luke-cold. Sure wish i knew what to teach over. There are so many choices...

Between school, i've had to make time for fun. I've had a great time talking to a new friend about various topics. I enjoy learning new things about people. It's kind of like unwrapping a present for Christmas without having the slightest idea of what it could be.

In other news that i don't have enough information to type a paragraph on: Today is Hayley's birthday. Tomorrow we get to go celebrate in Longview with a cookie cake from the mall and a bag full of presents. I'm hoping Dave gets to come too. Whether he is able to or not, we should have an awesome time tomorrow... This is funny, so i figured i might as well share it. I've had to bum rides from various people. One of them was my sister in her 1991 mustang. It kind of scares me to ride in it. I can't help but think if you take a hit in that over 30 mph, you die... You can quote me as telling my mom "Mom, i don't want to ride with her to school. She drives a tin can! Food comes in a tin can and i don't want to be dead meat!"

This does require a paragraph all by itself: Contrary to popular belief, it can snow in East Texas! Oh how beautiful and magnificent it was! As i was playing chess with Turner at the BSM, word spread like wildfire that it was snowing outside! The snow was so beautiful! Big white flakes that floated like feathers! They didn't stick to anything but dead leaves and wood, but who could complain? After Mom came to pick me up, we grabbed lunch. As i was getting out of the car, Randall called to inform me that it was snowing. I was walking inside, it started to snow harder. I couldn't help but laugh with a true laugh of joy. It wasn't just some short, fake laugh, but a true, long, real one. I haven't been that happy in quite a while. Well, i have been happy, don't get me wrong, but there's a difference between the joy that the snow brought and the happiness that i get while playing pool or chess or hanging out with friends. It's the kind that only God can give. Also, how could i forget about the double rainbow that i saw last weekend? -Another one of those God moments. How awesome it is when those happen!

I do have all kinds of things that i can write about, but i'm thinking they don't need to be said right now. Perhaps i'll save some of them for tonight. Maybe longer. Who knows?

New beginnings

Ok, so i lied. I do have a pretty bad headache at the moment and am incredibly tired, but i figured i'd write a quick note even though i don't see it being read any time soon. I had a lovely day in Longview. I drank Kenyan coffee at books a million, but that was only a small fraction of the fun of the day. I had the opportunity to study a little on baptism before i got started about the Golden Compass. P.S. DO NOT READ THAT BOOK! From the first of the series, it seems to be The DaVinci Code for kids. I'm not exagerating that by any means. Or atleast i don't believe myself to be. I actually plan to post my brief commentary on here as well as on Facebook and Myspace after i read the whole series. i figure that way, i'll be able to sit down and write my complaint in an organized manner without scattered information everywhere- or atleast that's my thought for now. Currently, i fully intend to tie in a little of C.S. Lewis's Surprised by Joy with my initial reaction of His Dark Materials. I go back to school tomorrow. As excited as that makes me, i do still need to sleep. Guess i shall head that direction now that business has finally been taken care of- why do i have to find out that i need a daily planner after the fact? Guess you learn from your mistakes or are officially declared insane. If you aren't following that statement, seriously, look up the definition of insanity in the dictionary- you will probably find it pretty interesting.

Skip day...

Of all the things to forget to write about. I just wanted to post something about the best skip day i've ever had. Last Sunday, i woke up, picked Hayley up, and went to church. That's nothing unusual. I normally do go to church. It's what happened afterwards that changed things up. I did try to make a long story short, but after looking at the unending length of all the kool things that we did while in Longview that afternoon, i decided it wasn't too terribly important. At 6:00, i made the decision to do something that i normally don't do. I decided to skip church and go over to Kyle's house with Hayley to watch a movie. It was a great movie- A Christmas Story. If you haven't seen it, i highly recommend it... It was what happened after the movie that was so wonderful. We went upstairs to finish checking out the house. We were shown the deck upstairs- just like a lake house. There was no water in sight- at least not at night time anyway- but there was a sea of shimmering stars. It was glorious. They were all so bright. We weren't out there that long, or it didn't seem to be long, but i saw at least 7 shooting stars! How was i to guess that you could see that many stars 12 minutes away from Longview? It was a type of beauty that i haven't seen since Africa. Of course the spread of stars in Africa is vast and without end (or so it seems), but i haven't really looked at the stars in that way since i left there. It reminded me of what a big God that i serve. I was able to tie in the stuff that i learned in geology with a simple wonder of how magnificent creation is. I love times where i can just sit back and say "Wow..."

My Resolve...

In official news, I have made my list of new year's resolutions. Among other things, I have on the list of things to do reading at least three chapters from my Bible every day. I know all the good that it's done in the past and plan to continue to do so and be more committed in hiding God's word in my heart that I might not sin against him (paraphrased- refer to Psalm 119:11). One of the other things I've decided to do is read a book every two weeks. Or at least have it average out to that. After I read each book, I plan on doing a short summary/report on them so I can refer back to it when I need it. I have a great tendency to forget all the stuff I learn. I guess that kind of goes against the actual definition of "learn(ing)"... I have a Sabine education as well as a Kilgore College one. I've been taught to memorize stuff for tests and then forget about all the worthless knowledge. I'd like to develop my memory skills this year if indeed that is possible. I'm tired of learning the same thing twice in the same difficult way. I want to be like Mary and treasure up and ponder things in my heart instead of taking them for granted and forgetting about it soon after. The dictionary definition of ponder is: 1 : to weigh in the mind : APPRAISE 2 : to think about : reflect on I've heard that history repeats itself and in many ways realize that my mistakes keep going in the same circles until I finally choose to learn from them instead of surviving them. I want to be faithful in giving God the glory for all the things that he does... Laughingly, the last thing on my list was "Most important of all these resolutions, don't give up when you begin to fail miserably in accomplishing these tasks. Look to God for strength. Commit yourself to him DAILY and he will provide the guidance and strength needed to overcome these God-sized tasks."

It's that time of year again- the beginning

From what I hear, New Year's is all about fireworks, drinks, bonfires, parties, friends, family, cabbage, black eyed peas, kissing people at 12:00, and all kinds of things that are supposed to ensure a lucky 366 days to follow. During this year, if we live through it, it already promises a birthday, Valentine's day, Groundhogs Day, Leap Day, Veteran's Day, Easter day, Halloween, and Christmas with much more in between. That's a lot to think about. I have celebrated twenty of these new years now and have a lot to show for it. If anything, I no longer drool all over myself and know how to get dressed in the morning. After accomplishing those two tasks, you might be thinking, "Now what?" I suggest that we not be content in only knowing how to do those two things. Obviously, if you are capable of reading this, you weren't. Life is a process. Until the appointed end comes, time will continue. The new years will continue to follow as well as all the holidays. The question comes down to, are you going to continue to move forward with time or be content with where you're at? I highly suggest setting goals and making a new year's resolution, even if you don't read this blog until the middle of 2010. In deciding what needs to be accomplished, make sure to use God's word as your standard. If you don't know where you're headed or when, it's alright. You don't have to, God does. In ALL your ways, acknowledge him and he will direct your paths. As you make decisions throughout this year, if it helps, you can always ask that cliche question, "What would Jesus do?" I exhort you to let this year be all about God and bringing him glory. When it comes down to it, what's luck anyway?