sigh...

i'm not feeling that wonderful at the moment. i would write it on my Xanga, but know people actually read that. i just need to complain for a minute. My ankles have been hurting since Wednesday. i'm so tired i'm wondering if i have mono. i don't have a sore throat though... i'm going to be brave and go to the doctor in a few minutes. Aaaaaahhh! A needle. Maybe he'll tell me right off that that isn't what i have. It would be very helpful... In other things, i feel completely drained, worn out, empty, tired, overstressed... i could definitely go on. There are a lot of decisions that need to be made and i have to help in the making of them. There is so much going on with the missions committee. There's lots of homework due. i slept through class 2 days last week. i woke up at 11 after missing 3 classes in a row. i felt horrible. i missed my favorite class 2 days last week! After having perfect attendence, i think- minus being incredibly late of course. There's so much more to say. Maybe i'll complain more later. Maybe i'll get mature and keep my mouth shut. Sigh... So much to do, so much time, so much of that time having to be spent on sleep. At this moment, i'm having a hard time doing all this. Maybe things will get a little easier soon. If you took the time to listen to me complain, i promise, i have better blogs. Check them out...

Skipping

Things don't always go according to plans- well not my plans...
At the beginning of the day, i would have told you i was going to go to class, eat lunch, catch up on e-mails, go to class again, play r-ball, shower, grab supper and then just to end the day the right way, go to Campus Crusade. Throw in buy a card and birthday present for someone, go out to eat in Longview with them to celebrate, wash dishes and finally, take an hour trip to Wal-Mart with my mother, and you have my day.
I had every intention of going to Campus Crusade, but we left for Longview about 6:30. We also ate at a nice restaurant, so it took a bit longer than usual. It was nice not looking down at my watch the whole time. Sometimes, it's necessary to forget your plans and do something random. I had a great time hanging out with a couple friends tonight and was able to enjoy the conversation knowing that i didn't absolutely have to be some where else. It was lots of fun passing notes to the waiter to ask him to sing for my friend... It was nice to be able to talk for fun instead of there having to be an issue to be addressed. It was nice talking about things of interest to me- like religion... It was great having the door held for me all night and being walked out to my car. I know this stuff may sound kind of silly, but occasionally a change is nice. That's what this week has been about. I thank God for the good times he has allowed me to have this week. It's good to see that it's all in His hands and i don't always have to be the one leading and helping out. The change has been great! Not that it needs to be a permanent thing, but i'm learning to enjoy it rather than dreading it...

The flowers are here! As i walked to the fitness center this morning, i could do nothing but smile as i looked around and realized that life was back. The bugs were coming out, the squirrels were playing, the flowers were blooming, the sky was cloudy, but it turned into a lovely day! The color green became a familiar site. i now know why it's my favorite color. It's the color of new life in the spring time (and even our east Texas winters...). ¡Que bonito!

After looking around at creation, praising God, and walking across the campus, it was time, once again, for my hysterical evolution class. After class, the teacher and i had a nice conversation. I still don't agree on most of the issues, but i can now see why he believes some of the things he does.

All i could do as i walked out of the classroom was take in the scenery as i walked down the road to meet my friends for lunch. As i journeyed, words came to mind. They were based on the scripture in Colossians 1 saying that God is proclaiming the gospel in all creation. The verse in Psalm saying that God founded the earth upon the waters was brought to mind. The verse saying that God stretched forth the heavens was also swimming in my head. Another song came from these verses. Along with many other things found in the first verse of the song, i wrote "Creation declares your glory." It does and i was able to see that today. I was in a trance as i was walking and writing. My mind was in another place as my feet carried me to my destination. Consciousness did return each time before crossing a street, but is was quick to leave me so i could go back to that foreign world.

After lunch, i started back in the same direction. I sat in the Shakespear Garden for a bit. Besides providing me with more material for the song, it reminded me of the way that God used it last year as i was going through difficulty after difficulty. He provided a secret garden, one where he and i could meet when there was no where else to go. It was another one of those times. He used his creation to proclaim his gospel to me, to show me how near he always is. It was wonderful!

*The beach reach meeting went well today. Still excited and ready to go. Well, excited, still getting ready to go as we continue to train for it.

*After the meeting, i came home to say "Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap." Reasoning- not to use it as a bad word. My family's dog got loose and left 5 piles of you guess what on my bedroom floor. I don't believe that the stench will be leaving any time soon. I will be sleeping with the window open, no matter what the weather decides to do. He also tore every pedal off of my roses, ate my aloe vera plant (how i'm going to miss it. Pretty handy to have around...), left a piece of bread on my bed (had to wash all my sheets and blankets, i'm allergic to dogs), scattered my trash, dumped water all over my floor and worst of all, ate all of the rabbit fur off of my cat. Two days before doing that, he killed my sister's pet hamster. My bedroom, as well as the rest of the house to a lesser extent, being trashed was the final straw. My dad wanted to shoot the dog. We decided he wasn't worth the bullet. Now a full blood AKC German Shepherd that in the end has cost over $1500 has been given away. Good riddance!

*To get away from the smell of dog for a while, i went to the fitness center and then to the BSM Bible study. It was about the Lord's plans for us. Main point, God's will for my life is doing his will right here, right now, and trusting him with my future whether or not i can see where it is headed. (And just for everyone to know, the verse Jeremiah 29:11 was definitely tied in. It was a guest speaker if anyone is wondering. Not giving his name)

*The two hours of sleep i got last night are catching up to me big time. Still waiting on my blankets to finish drying... ::Yawn!!!::

Alleluia!!!!!

Praise the Lord! I am still in awe as i look back and think upon the great work He has done. Today, the missions committee meeting finally came. The last meeting lasted 3 hours. I didn't think it could go much longer than that... Today, it lasted 4. I thoroughly enjoyed this meeting though. As i mentioned before, i had to present the Japan trip today. I didn't put much work into getting the presentation ready. Decided to write out the answers to all the questions i had been asked, not look at them again, and improvise during the meeting without reading from the notes the entire time. I figured i'd let the Lord guide me in what needed to be said rather than a speech written out 8 hours in advance... Long story short, i feel called to go to Japan this summer. It's going to be a very expensive trip. It will last 2 weeks and may very well cost as much as my 2 month long trip to Africa did. I have to pay $3000. After wiping out savings and exhausting my Christmas money fund, and diligently saving these next few months, i should have close to $1000. I feel that it is God's will for me to go and i know that he will provide the rest if that is true. I've already seen him open doors in places that i wouldn't expect. He's given me a love for people, taught me how to talk to strangers, made me bold for the sake of Christ, made his word the center of my life, given me the strength to stand for the truth when no one else in the crowd will, taught me how to teach, made me a leader, given me the words to speak when i have none, taught me to obey and trust him, increased my faith, taught me that his grace truly is sufficient for me in all circumstances and began to teach me the meaning of contentment, and most importantly of all, increased my love for him. I've seen that when you follow after God, all other things will fall into place. As i write these things, there is an expression of joy and happiness on my face. Imagine what it sounded like when i spoke these words and more to the missions committee. Praise God that i truly am not who i used to be. As i shared in that room, people sat in awe and amazement. The old Stacy is gone and the new has come. As i was speaking, they thought of the Stacy that they used to know, the shy, quiet one that always felt she had so little to offer. I could go into so much more detail of the girl they thought of as they heard me, but it is very early in the morning and i probably aught not The difference now is that i have began to see the value of Christ. He is the greatest and most valuable asset anyone could ever have. He is my fortress, my provider, the lifter of my head, my shepherd, the king and maker of the entire universe, my master, my lord, my Father, my friend when i am friendless, my rock and my salvation! When you have him, there is no greater. I have nothing of more value that i could share with anyone on the face of this planet. I will say, whether they decide to grant my request in helping to support me in going to Japan this summer or not, i am so happy! God was glorified today! He has done a great work in my life and it was wonderful for some of the members of my church to be able to see it as well. I don't believe this verse to be taken out of context or i wouldn't use it. Here it is anyway: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." ~Romans 8:28 It's awesome to catch a glimpse of that every now and then when you look back. I can see bits and pieces of why God placed me in the family, church, high school, college, town and circle of friends that he did. I've seen why he gave me some of the gifts he did, i have seen random encounters with people lead to friendships, i have seen my heart turn to and draw nearer to him. I have seen him turn every experience of my past (all things) into good. Praise his name! While we were in that room, a few had tears in their eyes as they met the new me that God had made. In no way do i say these things to put myself on a pedestal. May the maker of this vessel be praised! To God be the glory, great things he has done!

Just in case anybody needs a laugh... Justin decided to keep score during our racquet ball game yesterday (without telling me for the first 40 or so). The final was something like 28 to 137. I'm guessing you probably know which one was mine. We played for two hours, so in the fact that there weren't more points than that scored, you can see we have longer rounds of hitting the ball back and forth. I also find this topic funny, whether you do or not. i'm still hearing about the conversation i had at lunch on Thursday...

A busy weekend was planned. I have to read about 50 or so pages from my English book and go before the missions committee at church tomorrow to present the BSM Japan trip. Pretty much, i have to go beg for money and pray hard that they agree with the cause. I was also supposed to go on the All-Campus Retreat with the Wesley. For sake of time, i thought about dropping out. I didn't and was blessed by it... A topic that i knew i was lacking in and needed to learn about was presented. I didn't even know what the topic of the weekend would be until that night. Prayer of all things. God has such good timing!

We had a great drive up with good conversation. When we stopped for supper, I got to know a girl that i go to school with... We all continued on our journey to Palestine. We registered, i talked to strangers (there were only a whole to other KC students to choose from to talk to), and not only did i talk to strangers, i had a good time doing so and didn't feel uncomfortable at all. After the registry process, the campus minister had to leave to do something for his church today... As far as the strangers i met go, i really enjoyed having a conversation with someone from Haiti who spoke English, French and Spanish. You can probably guess which of the three i chose. It was great practice.

New things were presented to me at that retreat. I still don't know what to think about it, but the preacher was a lady. That is far from lining up with my beliefs. On a list of names for God were found the names mother and mother hen. I asked about that and although i left my last blog as saying "That's all i have to say about that (context)", i'm not sure that it will be the case after i examine the scripture references i was given. There were also some other differences, but i don't find them worth mentioning at the moment.

We had great breakout sessions. I went to one over praying the scripture in the morning, and then one about inductive Bible study in the afternoon. As the morning study concluded, i began to write another song. After lunch, i slowly walked to the lake and the words came to me as i sang and kept adding to it. I sat under a tree and wrote another verse, then i sat in the sun on a bench. The words just kept progressing. After quite a while, i finished and figured i'd take a cat nap in the sun while on the bench. I discovered that my journal wasn't as comfortable as the cover of my Bible. It's a good thing too. Come to find out, the cover of my Bible cleans up so much easier than my cardboard journal...

After talking to all the friends i made, the time finally came for me to say goodbye. I packed my clothes and got ready to leave. They just had to have their t-shirt sale tonight. (The various Wesley Foundations sell all the shirts they couldn't get rid of for $5) They had some really kool designs and i left with four. The drive home was wonderful! We talked the whole way. I can once again see that writing is really making a difference in my speech. Stumbling over words was due to a lack of sleep. The conversation was great as i was able to clearly communicate what i had learned this weekend, listen, and give an update on what's been going on in my life lately.

i'm hoping this isn't as long as i think it is. If so, i apologize. Hope everyone is doing well. Any updates from anyone?

Reoccuring Themes

You learn more about a subject by teaching it than you would if you were to hear the same material presented in a lecture. Today, last night's lesson was well learned (even though i just wrote about it...). It is cool how God works. I made a mistake on a post and took something out of context. Last night, i studied more about why it was out of context. It was made clear that you can't take one verse and use it to aid you in whatever thought may be going through your head at the time. I'm not criticizing using one verse, it is fine as long as it is following the thought of the surrounding passage. I couldn't sleep last night until i had corrected my mistake. Come to find out, there was a reason for it needing to be taken care of last night. It was to prepare me for today.

Today was the same ol' Thursday. English class followed by lunch with my friends at the Tri-C. They do this little thing where they share a short message and i have never had a problem with it until today. Of all the things for the guy to talk about, it had to be the thief on the cross. He had to mention that he wasn't saved and had only died (or something like that) and proceeded in saying that anyone that hadn't been baptized was condemned. When it was over, he made the mistake of saying "Any questions or comments?" Before i raised my hand, i told myself, "Stacy, keep that big mouth of yours shut." My hand didn't listen. A discussion ensued. For 45 minutes, i was quoted various scriptures discussing why you had to be baptized to be saved. Today was a day that i was reminded of why it's smart to keep a Bible with you. They had very nice little proof texts, but i was able to open my Bible and look them up as they were giving references. In doing so, i was able to point out CONTEXT. None of those verses seemed to be in line with what the passage as a whole was saying. I was able to point that out and make a case against taking that one verse by itself as being able to stand alone. You could read two verses ahead or behind and disprove their interpretation of that single verse. It wasn't hard. By no means am i calling the Church of God a cult, but i will take this issue as being one of those i mentioned in my last blog. In scripture, we are commanded to be baptized. No where (in my reading) does it say that it's necessary for salvation. They aren't the only ones guilty of taking things out of context. I hope not to be again.

And to quote Forest Gump, "That's all I have to say about that..."

Oops...

I wasn't sure what to write about tonight, but i think i got it. I will be me and put a few random things first.

My car was fixed. Haven't driven it for 3 and a half months. I've been going everywhere in my F-150 (when Dad wasn't borrowing it). To fix my car, it only cost $202.72! Without exaggerating, for the difference in gas mileage, i probably could have saved that 202 about 3 times over. I love getting 26 miles to the gallon (or atleast that's what it was the last time i checked) in my car. After not being driven for that long, it did require a wash. Good thing it wasn't that cold out today. (Yes, i knew it was supposed to rain tonight. I was just concerned with getting the layer of whatever it was growing on it off)

Took a personality test at the BSM. I'm gold I'm told i'll be able to better explain what exactly that means later on...
Addition to my "Guidelines for Dating" list- Don't be unequally yoked. I've always known that and would have told you that any day... I just didn't think to add it to my list.

Quote of the day "Context, context, context!" ~me. Getting the context on any statement is important- especially one coming from scripture. Cults are formed from someone picking out one verse that they like and twisting it to say whatever it is they want it to (or might sound like without twisting in any way.) I usually take a long time to write all of my blog entries including scripture because i read atleast the section the verse is found in and sometimes the surrounding chapters if i'm not very familiar with the book. When i posted about Jeremiah 29:11-13, i did the same thing. I knew it was Jeremiah's letter to the exiles. I knew it was addressed to them in referring to the end of their captivity. I knew all that, yet still decided to use it. I was a bit worried that it might be taken out of context. My decision in thinking it had to be ok was because i have heard so many people that i respect do so. Whenever you look at scripture, you need to look at it as face value instead of making it say what you want it to say. We cannot use our circumstances to make a scripture into what we want to hear. "The word of God is quick and powerful and sharper than any two-edged sword piercing even to the dividing sunder of the joints and marrow and of the soul and spirit and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart." Hebrews 4:12. Didn't look it up, but very close to the KJV. God will use it to speak to us. That does not give us the right to read between the lines and make it say something that is not written. "All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work." We can learn whatever we need to from scripture- we just need to be careful about looking in the right places...
As far as Jeremiah is concerned, i edited it. If you were one of my readers, go back and read the note attatched to the bottom. It's late, so i apologize if it doesn't make much sense.