Change is in the air

Lots to say. Guess i'll start with today and work backwards.

Some nice person in my family turned the air off last night and didn't bother opening any windows. I woke up at four with a completely stopped up nose. I took some benadryl so i'd be able to breath when i went back to sleep- Big mistake! 9:15, i woke up on the wrong end of my bed (not sure why) and looked at my watch. I was quite proud of myself. I set a new record. I was out of the bed, dressed, and in my truck in four minutes! That was awesome considering i didn't even pick my clothes out the night before. I was four minutes late to class because i ended up having to park at Back Porch. (Just realized how many times i used the number four in this paragraph : )

I ate lunch at the BSM and had a great conversation with Josh (current youth minister at my church). Somehow, i got conned into leading the seventh grade girls small group starting tomorrow. Hopefully it won't be too much.

After class, rushed home to clean the bus. Mom, Dad, and my brother will be driving to and in New Mexico for an uncertain amount of time. That means that i get to play mommy for a while to my brother and sister. It's really a lot harder than you would think.

Attended the monthly Wesley leadership meeting. Better yet, i ended up leading it with about a two hour notice. I understand i'm the president there, but does that mean that i should have to be in charge of everything?

Some fun finally ensued as i made my third trip to the college. Went to the fitness center, played on the elliptical, showered and waited with Hayley for her trainer. It took more than 30 minutes and allowed for a good conversation. I suppose i'll go ahead and announce the shocking news that i shared with my friend.

We were discussing the future. She was talking about how her plans for college had changed. She said quite a few other things, but i only find it proper for me to tell my story instead of speaking of things that may have been intended to be kept private. After she was finished, I began to speak. I thought her jaw was going to fall to the floor. I don't ever remember a time in our friendship of her being that astonished at something i said. If you've known me long, you know i have a passion for foreign missions. I've always said, "I want to be a missionary on the foreign field when i grow up." Well, as i've been contemplating that here recently, i'm not sure that's where i need to be. I still love foreign missions, but i've been feeling as if that season in my life is drawing to a close. I am most definitely looking forward to Japan this summer, but i'm not sure where my future is headed after that. I'll finally be getting my associates. The problem comes in not knowing where to go from there. I don't know what four year to attend- if any. I looked into Hayley's eyes and said, "In the future, i could see myself married and with kids and just serving in a church." (Her jaw dropped even further.) This is from a girl that, until last year, swore up and down she would never get married. She also said that she surely didn't want kids because she knew how she acted when she was one. She said she had to live in a foreign country where they spoke Spanish. I don't know what's wrong with me, but for some reason, something has changed. I'm no longer that girl. I can be content wherever God places me. i know what it is to have plenty and i know what it is to want. Maybe that's why i spent time on the mission field. While there, i learned to appreciate the things that i have while i have them, but i was taught how to live without them and be perfectly happy. I learned the difference between need and want. i think this is the last thing. I am so grateful for the teaching i've received since 8th grade from my former Sunday school teacher. i've always been told not to just settle for anyone. i was told to make a list of things that i want in a husband. i've been warned against dating just to date. From what i've seen, a piece of your heart seems to get torn by every person that you date (kind of like two construction paper hearts being glued together and then pulled apart). i've got my list of things and i think at the top is that i want to be respected. i want to marry someone that treats me like i'm God's instead of their own. The last time i said this to someone, they looked at me and started talking to me as if i was nuts, but i really don't think that i want to kiss until my wedding day. Am i crazy for thinking that? Anyway, this is officially the end of my speech about dating and why i haven't yet done so- i want someone that is in love with God. I want someone that is led by him and him alone. I want someone that is a stronger Christian than me. If not, how could they ever lead me? The end (of that)

Last night, i went to Closer (the BSM Bible study). I heard what i needed to hear. Mark shared all kinds of random things about washing your hands. If i remember correctly, one fourth of all food related illnesses are from people not properly washing their hands. I was informed that it is proper to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom and before you eat (if your mommy didn't teach you that, there's something wrong). He shared far more from a list than i will name here, but i'm assuming you get the picture. After watching a cat wash its paws, we were reminded of cleanness before God. We read of the Pharisees being obsessed with washing their hands before they ate and criticizing Jesus' disciples for not doing likewise. Long story short, purity on the inside will get you a lot further than hands with 99.9% of the germs killed by Dial soap. We had a chance to confess sins (which being Baptist, i really don't think to do too often) and ask God to give us clean hands and help us to quit hanging on to all the sins that we do all the time. At the conclusion, we all washed our hands in a bowl of Kilgore water. It had its impurities, but that's not what mattered. For me, it was a physical way of saying "God, i want to turn from this. I ask that you would give me clean hands and help me to live for you and you alone. I pray that you would make me a sacrifice holy and acceptable to you by seeing me through the blood of Christ. I pray that you would help me to see sin as you do instead of thinking, it's no big deal. Everyone else does it too. I ask that you would give me clean hands, a pure heart, and a soul that will only follow after you."